Friday, June 22, 2007

Music Review: Sometimes I wish you could sing.

The first review ever goes to Ciara's "Like a Boy".

Dear Ciara and fans of Ciara: this song isn't cool. It isn't badass. It's bitchy. This is the bitchiest song ever made.

Everyone knows women get bitchy about retarded things. So when she gets upset about him having friends that's just par for the course. I'm talking about the overall message of the song: that Ciara (or the writer, or whatever random woman this song is supposed to be the words of) is a doormat. Forget the admittedly snappy tune and supposed coolness of the "You can't handle it!" in the background. She comes right out from the very beginning of the song and admits that she knows her man is cheating on her and yet is perfectly willing to allow it to continue because to get upset would be...letting him win? I don't know. I don't understand dumbass.

But mostly, it's that "Sometimes I wish..." line. "Sometimes I wish..." is the staple of the nag's arsenal, as all men know. 65 million years ago, when the first man came home from work to his cave and took a nap and left dirty dishes in the sink and the first woman saw it, she used that phrase. That's how old it is.

I'm going to give the advice that most men would probably give (aside from "shutup"). If you wish you could act like a boy then do it. Don't just sit there and sing your bitchy songs about how much you wish you could do something about your man cheating. DO SOMETHING.

Annotation from The Future:

This wasn't even a joke. Listen to the lyrics (or don't, because this song sucks). The entire premise of the song is "I let you abuse and disrespect me because I'm strong. If you were in my place you couldn't handle it." Not to sound misogynistic, but this is actually a concept I've heard expressed by lots of women, this idea that allowing yourself to be mistreated and never standing up for yourself somehow makes you powerful and brave.

Maybe it's because I'm a man, but no matter how many times I hear this concept repeated I still can't understand it. I wouldn't go so far as to say that a person who never stands up for herself deserves the abuse she receives but, well, actually yes I would. Turning the other cheek is fine and dandy, but hell, even the guy who invented that phrase knew there was a time when you need to stand up. Being agnostic I don't reference the Bible often, but seriously: Matthew 21:12, people.

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