Thursday, August 16, 2007

Television Review: How to get more sucking up in your roast.

Ever since Comedy Central took over the roasts from the Friar's Club they've gone steadily downhill. Does anyone else remember back when they were roasting people like Hugh Hefner and Chevy Chase? Back then the roasts were funny, and more than that they actually felt like an honor.

The first roast Comedy Central did, Dennis Leary, was still almost watchable. But even then, it was obvious that it had immediately degenerated into toilet humor and corporate nepotism, with every single roaster being somehow involved with Comedy Central programming. I watched the roasts of Jeff Foxworthy and Pamela Anderson mostly out of curiosity. My curiosity almost got me to watch the Roast of Flavor Flav too, until about three minutes in when he descended to the stage on wires and lead the audience in chanting his name. I was then able to thank Comedy Central's shameless ass-kissing for reminding me why I hate the roasts and turn it off.

I spent the time I would have wasted watching this dreg by debating with myself what kind of celebrity Flavor is. It was a tossup between D-List for "Does anyone know who the hell this guy is?" and W-List for "Why should I care?" but in the end I think I made the right decision when I went with F-List for "Fuck this crackaddict waterhead up the ass with his own viking helmet."

I really liked the commercials too. Have you seen the spelling bee commercial, where Flavor "humorously" misspells boy as "BOOOYYYEEEE!" and it's declared correct? Here's some more spelling humor: Flavor Flav is actually spelled F-U-C-K-I-N-G L-O-S-E-R.

And that's how you do a roast, you pansy ass punkbitches.

Annotation From the Future:

Actually, it's even worse if you know who Flavor Flav is. Seriously, how does a person conjure an entire career out of being the annoying guy who screeches in the background of Public Enemy songs? From what I can tell, he must appeal to the public desire to be stupid and annoying without any consequences, because the idea that people actually think he's cool is too sad for words.

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