Thursday, August 16, 2007

Video Game Review: Suckitude reaches level 10.

And after I heard so much good about you too, Dungeons and Dragons Tactics. You disappoint me. Where to even start?

Character models are ugly. I mean really ugly. I mean giant bloated head ugly. Literally.

The storyline is lame and since cutscenes are non-alignment specific don't be surprised when your chaotic evil sorceror talks like an honorable knight of virtue and justice at all times.

I'd rather not talk about gameplay but I suppose I have to. DnD fans might like this game, which stays true to DnD rules. Unfortunately, it allows no multiclassing or prestige classes, the two additions to normal DnD which allow the most amount of character customizing. Wizards and psions are not allowed to be specialists in this game either. This is okay for wizards, but it renders the psion UNPLAYABLE, since all of the good psionic powers belong to specialists only.

Then there's the inability to sue potions on your team mates, or anyone besides yourself, most likely a sad excuse for forcing you to use clerics. I actually looked in the book because I was certain there was no way they could be stupid enough to make you unable to heal your own teammates. I turned to a section marked "Restoring Hit Points" and found that it consisted almost entirely of the following quote.

Hit points decrease due to attacks and increase due to healing.

Thanks, asshole.

Annotation from The Future:

Those of you who aren't into pen-and-paper gaming might not know this, so let me let you in on a secret. There's a common prejudice among tabletop gamers that computer RPGs such as Final Fantasy and Baldur's Gate all suck. Basically, the belief is that they're all just shallow and pathetic attempts at recreating tabletop games like Dungeons and Dragons in a simpler form that's easier for stupid people to use and enjoy. This prejudice is so widespread it's even reflected in the pronunciation of the acronym CRPG as "crappage."

While I don't share that prejudice myself, as near as I can tell the makers of D&D Tactics were trying their hardest to prove it correct.

KR Rating: [1] HORRIBLE

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