Saturday, December 1, 2007

Documentary Review: Okay, We Get It.

You don't like video games.

Look, folks. I have nothing to say about this honestly. I've said it all before and let's face it, none of these people are going to read what I'm writing. But I promised my friend I'd do it so here we go.

Ahem...

SHUT UP. YOU'RE WRONG AND NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYWAY.

"Violence has always been with us, but we've recognized it as a vice, not a virtue."

Oh? Were we recognizing violence as a vice back in Ancient Rome where they forced slaves to brutally dismember and kill each other for the peoples' amusement? Were we recognizing violence as a vice in Sengoku era Japan when it was considered preferable to disembowel yourself rather than accept defeat to a worthy adversary? What about when we stone a woman in Afghanistan because one inch of her wrist was showing for all of one second? How about the sacking of Carthage when they sprinkled the earth with salt to make sure the land itself would die? Several crusades where men butchered women and children in the name of God all over some grudge between two kings?

"We don't want to regulate games or force you to use a ratings system."

And yet you instituted a system where a team of people who would never even play games on their own because they hate them are allowed to have unchecked and unlimited censor control over this art form. A system where a game can be rated based on illegal modifications other people have made, and where a single man can defy the Constitution of the United States by banning free expression. An AO rating means a game can not be sold in stores, which is an instant death sentence for any game, and the Game Nazis at ESRB can hand out this rating at will.

"If men could sit in front of a flight simulator and learn enough about flying planes to fly them into the world trade center then what do you think will happen when a 9 year old sits in front of a first person shooter that rewards him for killing cops?"

Ah yes, Random Cop Killer 64. A rare game, mostly because it doesn't exist. People like this have these crazy ideas of what games are that are totally incorrect. It's like when I was a kid and my dad tried to tell me all rap music was about men smoking weed with their mothers.

What they also forget is that video games didn't make 9/11 happen. The hijackers may have learned to fly planes from playing flight simulator games, I don't know. But they didn't get the idea from the game. They had the idea, the game gave them the knowhow to execute it. Knowhow they also could have gotten from any book or instructor. And Hell, I'll be totally honest with you here: if you're planning on crashing it anyway I can't imagine flying a plane would be all that difficult. You could probably just wing it, considering the only really hard stuff is the takeoffs and landings, neither of which they had to do.

"There's going to be a Columbine-like event, maybe to the factor of ten. Then there's going to be a human cry within the Halls of Congress to ban these games altogether."

And then beautiful unicorns will dance through the meadows and it will rain sugarplums and pixie sticks! Oh, and while we're in Fantasyland, let's have Jennifer Lopez suck my dick and give me fifty million dollars.

By the way, if this is the kind of stuff you fantasize about, you need some rehab, dude.

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