Friday, September 23, 2011

CERN to World: "We Broke Physics. Our Bad."

According to researchers at the CERN Institute in Geneva, the neutrino particle could be capable of moving faster than the speed of light, something that until now was widely considered impossible. How could this be? Let's start by examining the theory of relativity itself, shall we?

The theory starts out with something that's more or less inarguable: as you move faster, everything around you appears to move slower. If you're driving down the road and you pass someone walking on the sidewalk they appear to be standing still because their speed, relative to you, is so much slower.

Einstein, took this a step further. He decided that everything didn't simply look like it was moving slower, but that it actually was moving slower. That is to say, that as you move faster time slows down. He went on to theorize that you could place yourself into a sort of suspended animation by moving very fast, that if you were to travel near the speed of light years would pass for everyone else in what would be -to you- a matter of mere seconds. Furthermore, he declared that the speed of light was the ultimate limit, that at that speed time would stop completely. Therefore, he concluded, moving at or beyond the speed of light was physically impossible.

The problem with this theory, if you haven't figured it out yet, is that it's based entirely on ignorant conjecture. It follows a three-step process of idiocy to create something that's more akin to superstition than science.

1. Take a subjective observation. (We've never seen anything move faster than light.)
2. Declare that subjective observation to be an objective fact. (We've never seen anything move faster than light because nothing can move faster than light.)
3. Assign arbitrary magical properties to explain your new "fact." (Speed somehow controls time, and the speed of light is where time breaks, therefore nothing can move faster than light.)

And if we really want to be nitpicky...

4. Defend your "fact" by calling it "common knowledge" and accusing anyone who questions it of being stupid and arrogant. (Einstein said it was true and he's smarter than you, therefore it's true. Or are you claiming you're smarter than the greatest scientist who ever lived?)

Honestly, the only reason anyone took the theory of relativity seriously at all is because Einstein was the one who put it forth. If literally anyone else had suggested the theory of relativity it would've been laughed at, but Einstein gave us E=MC2 and so therefore -in the minds of the scientific community- nothing he said could ever be wrong.

Every genius is allowed at least one stupid idea, aren't they? Well, relativity is Einstein's one stupid idea. Personally I've been waiting for someone to disprove this ludicrous theory for years.

No comments: