Friday, August 22, 2008

Today's Challenge: This Banner Ad


So I saw this ad. My first though was "oh, it's another free MMORPG advertised with anime characters that aren't in the game." My second thought was "wait...GOLF?"

No, I don't know why they're advertising an online golf game using anime characters, much less what would seem to be a nubian and a teenage Oliver Twist. (Two demographics I've always associated with golf are the africans and 1830's street urchins, but to be fair, I'm schizophrenic.) I don't even know why they're advertising an online golf game at all. Honestly, I don't even know why they made an online golf game.

But that's not what's important right now. What's important is it's bullshit. While the game itself is free, you have to buy "campuscash," the online money of GamesCampus, the site that hosts the game, to do anything with it. Also, by all accounts (looking at all handful of screenshots) the game sucks.

What's also important is this particular blurb.


Just like we all wish cigarettes were...

Sunday, August 17, 2008

An InCONvenient...ly Lazy Pun

I wold like to pose a question to the webmaster of an InCONvenient Guilt Trip. How much money did the republicans pay you, and why was it not enough to hire someone who understood grammar and logic? What, was Nick Naylor busy?

I'm not going to bother going over every little thing on this site. I could point out fifty things wrong with it, just on the front page and all off the top of my head, but that wouldn't be fun for either of us. Which is why they made it easy on us and made the more asinine comments bolded for easy access. Like this one.

"IF WE DON'T SAY NO TO THE GLOBAL WARMING CRUSADERS IT IS THE SAME THING AS SAYING YES!"


Brilliant deduction, Mr. Hawking. Wait, I'm getting a news flash! Apparently, if we don't eat cheetos it is the same thing as not eating cheetos. And in a related story, if we're not intelligent it is the same thing as being you!

Another thing I just have to mention...

"To think that we caused [global warming[, or can significantly change it, is the same as saying the world is flat. Queen Isabella and her contemporaries did not have enough information and lived in constant fear of the assumed and unknown."


I know, right? Don't you just hate people like that, who believe in crazy things without thinking about them? Like that the universe was created in seven days and fossils are an elaborate hoax cooked up to trick people into thinking it's older, all for no reason. Or people who believe that the Earth is going to be destroyed by a mythological horned monster that the book they believe in doesn't even mention, and that an old man in the clouds is then going to horrifically torture 99% of humanity for all eternity, because he loves us. People who believe that are so stupid! A person like that could never get elected in this day and age. Oh, wait...

Also, Queen Isabella, the one who financed Columbus's expedition, did NOT believe the Earth was flat. The reason she was unsure about financing Columbus is because he was an imbecile who thought he could sail halfway around the world in just under a week.

Look, it is a proven fact that the climate changes, I'll grant you that. After all, 65 million years ago, the Earth was covered in tropical rainforests and ruled by giant monsters, and today the Earth is colder. (Though still ruled by giant monsters.) That much is true. But don't try to tell us that we can pump gallons upon gallons of toxins, catalysts, and CO2 into the air and nothing will happen.

The problem is the amount that the climate is changing is tiny. Contrary to what some people would have you believe, it will not become a problem in our lifetimes. Global warming is not going to bring about a Day After Tomorrow climate change and destroy the Earth. It's just not. It is, however, going to make our planet unlivable within the next few hundred years, so in essence our children or possibly our grandchildren have no futures. Of course, you might say that by that time, they'll be able to just leave the planet anyway, presumably in spaceships powered by the pipe dreams of selfish Americans, since most people still refuse to accept alternative fuel research.* Except dreams probably qualify as an alternative fuel, so scratch that.

Come on, people. I know it's "gay" to want to help the environment and your fellow man. I know it's "nerdy" to think about the long-term, and try to come up with real solutions. That is why I'm issuing this challenge: to all nerdy homosexuals, it's up to you to save the planet! Let's get together and think up a way to do it. Alternately, let's build spaceships and go to Tau Ceti 5, and leave the "real Americans" on the Earth to die.

*I found the perfect article to link to to illustrate this point. Unfortunately, Rush Limbaugh's site demanded a password from me, presumably because he realizes how much of a jackass he is and doesn't want anyone else to see.