Steven Universe

What if the protagonist of a magical girl anime was a boy, and also it was made in America and not Japan?

Okay, but seriously now. Steven Universe is the story of... Steven Universe, half-human son of failed musician Greg Universe and magical space warrior Rose Quartz, who inherited some of his mother's powers and her responsibility of protecting the Earth against the fascist Gem Homeworld and their evil rulers, the Diamond Authority!

I'll start with the good. I always start with the good, and it's especially important to get it out of the way first before all of the show's fans ragequit out of reading this review.

So yeah, I'll admit I did like some of the ideas they had. The show's science-fantasy style universe is very creative. The songs, which the show has a lot of, are generally really good. I also like a lot of the characterizations. As an example, I appreciate the way they handled the Diamond Authority, the evil rulers of the Gem Homeworld. These are individuals who keep slaves, who genocide entire planets, and who rule the universe with an iron fist... and yet, who will then also spend 6,000 years either in mourning or plotting vengeance, because one of their own got killed, because they're seriously that self-centered. That's pretty clever, and a very insightful look into the mentality of a narcissistic evil oligarch.

That being said, on to the bad.

I was introduced to Steven Universe by some friends who keep insisting to me that it's just sooo gooood and after watching it myself I have to say I have no idea what said friends are smoking. I don't even feel like this is debatable. If you like Steven Universe, that's fine. I liked the Dungeons and Dragons movie. It's okay to like things that are objectively not good.

And yes, Steven Universe is objectively not good.

The graphics are terrible. Characters are so frequently off-model that it makes you wonder if there was ever a model to begin with. Rebecca Sugar has tried to justify it by saying they didn't have limits on the art because they wanted to encourage "stylistic freedom."

This is a total crock.

Lots of shows allow artistic freedom. An excellent example is Love, Death, and Robots which features a different artist and a radically different art style in every episode. Steven Universe... is not that. Using cel-shaded art for one episode and then ultra-realistic CGI for another episode is a style choice. Drawing the character 7 feet tall for a scene because you sent a rough draft on a napkin off to the Korean animators and didn't realize they'd take it serious? Not a style choice.


LEFT: Actual artistic freedom.
RIGHT: "How tall is our main character again?"
There's exactly ONE time in the show where a model change was probably intentional - that being when Connie becomes a main character and shrinks from being way taller than Steven, to being his own size.

Every OTHER time is just the artists being lazy. They had model sheets. That alone should prove that they had a consistent look in mind and they couldn't manage to hold to it, then Sugar made up that ridiculous retcon excuse that's about as convincing as that friend who insists that he's not misusing the word "ironic", he's "expressing the fluidity of language as a social construct!"


LEFT: Actual artistic freedom.
RIGHT: "Such freedom! I can make the character's hair as poofy as I want!"
The story is terribly paced, dedicating less than half of each 20+ episode season to the actual plot of crystal gems fighting against the evil forces of Homeworld. Again, yes, a lot of shows have filler, but this show... honestly, I hesitate to even call it "filler" because I get the feeling that these are the stories they actually wanted to tell and yes, they are usually reasonably well-told. It's almost like Steven Universe enters into some sort of reverse pacing rules where the filler stories are the ones that actually move the A-plot along while they work on their next script about freaking Lars and Sadie. Maybe you like that, which is fine, but it's not how a good show works.

Continuity is also a problem, as you may have heard. What happened to the weapon upgrades Bismuth made for everyone? Does Gem Fusion require a dance, or just holding hands? Do the show's creators even remember?

...and I think that's about it...

Can't think of much else...

Let's see... oh, I guess the theme song is totally ripping off Space Oddity by David Bowie...

...

...okay, fine. It's now time to tackle the elephant in the room.

People who follow the blog know that I have a rule about keeping politics off it. A lot of shows have political messages and I don't usually talk about them or judge the show for them unless I find them to be particularly notable. In this case... you kind of can't talk about Steven Universe without talking about the politics. The show's writers practically beg for the show to be judged on its politics.

Honestly, it's to the show's detriment, and I'm not saying that because the show's politics are right or wrong (though I'll get to what I think of them in a moment) but because the show very clearly prioritizes its politics over everything else. Hell, just look at their casting decisions. They hired on people who had never done voice work before and gave them starring roles just because they're minorities. And yes, most of those people do a more or less... at least acceptable job, but that's not the point. The point is that these are the decisions they made. Couple this with the sloppy animation, plodding pacing, and the fact that the show in its original run went on hiatus after every tiny handful of episodes. It's blatantly obvious that Rebecca Sugar and her "Crewniverse" set out to make a show that was political first and foremost... and good a far distant second.

It's also stupid whether you agree with the politics or not. Is Steven Universe a show about lesbian relationships? No, it's not, because none of the gems are actually female. They're magic rocks that project an artificial image that looks and sounds and moves like a female but is actually just a hologram. There are also no male-on-male relationships in the show, only straight relationships and pseudo-lesbian gem relationships. This isn't LGBT, it's just playing.


LEFT: An actual lesbian couple.
RIGHT: None of these characters has a vagina.
I also really dislike Steven Quartz Universe as a character. He clearly cares a lot about things which is something that I would give him credit for except that he cares about all of the wrong things. He defends terrible people, like Mayor Dewey who is laughably inept at best and heinously corrupt at worst. He spends multiple episodes crying over the fate of some random Ruby he left stranded in space - this is someone who wanted to kill him and take his friends away to be tortured, by the way. He turns against Bismuth, whose only crime was wanting to treat the war against Homeworld like a real war and being willing to kill if it was the only way to win.

And yes, I get it, he's a child and as such holds onto naive ideals, wants to see the good in everyone, has a fear of violence and losing his "moral purity", so on and so forth. The problem is that he doesn't get better with character development. Actually, the show doesn't seem to think that any of that stuff is any sort of flaw he needs to overcome at all and ends up insisting that he was right all along and that even the heinous, slaving, genocidal space monsters can totally change thanks to the power of love. How did the people who made that "insightful look into the mind of an evil oligarch" I mentioned also make this? Did I just read way too much into that and the truth is we really were supposed to take it at face value and feel bad for the omnicidal maniacs?

And because I know people are going to say it: "Oh, you're just saying this because you're a conservative fascist and you hate everyone and want them all to be the same!" Yeah, no, and if you're going to say that then there's really no point in me saying anything else to you but I will anyway.

"Why do you want everyone to be the same?" I DON'T. I appreciate the freaks. I AM a freak in my own way. I believe that all good and innocent people have the right to the pursuit of happiness... but in order to make that work, evil must never be allowed to prosper. It's not about taking away freedom to make everyone good, it's about protecting freedom from those who choose not to be good.

"Why don't you support gay people?" I DO. But I don't support pandering, nor do I believe in trying to define yourself entirely by something so shallow as who you want to sleep with. Am I gay or bisexual myself? who the Hell cares. I am a person who believes in saying what I believe is true even when it's unpopular. That is what defines me.

Besides, anyone who's really paying attention knows I'm just as quick to call out right-pandering too.

So yeah...

I'll stop here because I don't want this review to turn into an overly-long tangential rant. (Too late.) So what's my overall judgment?

I've given my opinion on the show's politics. I don't like them and I'm never going to like them, but I'm also not going to judge the show on them. Rebecca Sugar's "stylistic freedom" lie also does bother me and it makes me question a lot of the other things with the show... but I won't hold that against the show either. After all, I didn't hold Haim Saban's actions against Mighty Morphin' and Rebecca Sugar is more decent a human being than he is by a factor of about a million.

Taken as it is...


BAD
I've found the works I give a 2 out of 5 are usually ones where I liked the ideas but disliked the execution, and this is no different. The show has some good ideas. The gems, their powers, and the way they work were really cool. Some of the characterizations were pretty neat. Steven slowly coming to learn that his mother was actually kind of a terrible person was pretty well handled, even if I didn't care so much for the rest of his character. I had fun watching the show. I never found myself looking at the clock wondering when the episode was going to end. And I'll admit that a lot of the show's problems are inherent to the format of being a kids' cartoon on Cartoon Network.

Going into this review I was planning on giving the show a 4 out of 5 as a good show held back by notable flaws... but the flaws in this case are SO bad... the show is over 50% filler... characters are consistently off-model in notable ways that are exactly as bad as if they'd just painted someone red for an episode... these are not things that good shows do. I'm convinced the only reason so many people swear by this show is because so many other people also say they like it and the only reason I've even been as nice to it as I have is because I was worried about upsetting friends of mine who also like the show. But it's not good, sorry.

PROS:	CONS:
+ A lot of very good ideas and world-building.	- Consistently off-model, and it's not on purpose no matter what Sugar says.
+ A lot of really good music.	- Slow, plodding story that is mostly what other shows would call filler.
	- Prioritizes political pandering over being a good show.

Television Review: Power Rangers Ninja Storm

Super Sentai Equivalent: Ninpuu Sentai Huricanger (Enduring Wind Team Hurricane-ger, with Ninpuu also being a play on Ninpo, or "Ninja Magic")


In a world where nobody remembers what Power Rangers are but ninjas are basically all over the place, evil space ninja Lothor returns from exile to make the Earth's ninjas pay for banishing him. He draws all the world's ninjas up into his spaceship, leaving behind only three young ninja cadets who will don magic suits to become Wind Ninja Power Rangers! ...what, you thought they were going to be called Ninja Storm Rangers? Ha!

Ninja Storm was Disney's second stumbling step into the franchise. Alright, alright, I will start by admitting there was some good - the action scenes were pretty good, and that's not just because of Huricanger either. There were some really well choreographed fight scenes done using the western actors out of costume too.

That said, the story just took a nosedive. How should I put this... it's at least one step above Alien Rangers? Sure, that works. We're talking some of the worst parts of MMPR camp here. The Rangers are entertaining to watch and are generally likeable but they're never really compelling. There are actually two "sixth ranger" storylines here - one involving the Thunder Ninjas who have been brainwashed to serve the evil Lothor, and one involving the sensei's son Cam coming into his own as the Green Samurai Ranger. They're also both way too rushed and don't take the time to build up any suspense.

Oh, and the villains... the villains are the worst. There is nothing interesting about them. They're mostly just obnoxious and screamy. I feel like they were trying to evoke memories of Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd, but... first off, we've come to expect more from the series at this point than just watching the villain scream about how he or she has a headache, and second, Lothor is no Rita Repulsa.

Let me say this to any aspiring writers out there - there is a huge difference between telling jokes and being a joke. And no, before you say it, I'm not just someone who hates fun. I love parody. But like I said, and I'll say it again just so everyone is absolutely clear - THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TELLING JOKES AND BEING A JOKE.


MEDIOCRE

PROS:	CONS:
+ Solid action scenes and fight choreography.	- Doesn't take its time with the story.
+ The rangers are generally likeable.	- The villains are a big pathetic joke.
+ It isn't Alien Rangers.	- Except the joke isn't even funny.
	- Seriously, they suck.

Operation Babel: New Tokyo Legacy (Video Game Review)

Set shortly after the events of Operation Abyss, a new threat - the Embryo - has appeared in the skies over Tokyo and unleashed a horror upon the city below. With Alice Mifune and her allies captured by the Embryo it's up to the New Xth Squad to take the fight to the Embryo and save the day!

Operation Babel is a re-release of the third and final game in the Generation Xth series, Generation Xth: Code Realize, originally for the Playstation Vita. In terms of gameplay, Babel is basically everything Abyss was, only better. They fixed a lot of the problems of the first game, added a new "sub-class" system that lets you take the skills of a secondary class, and even added a new class, the Conjurer. (Side note, I feel like the Conjurer must be a mistranslation because they don't conjure anything. They charm monsters in battle and while their spells are stated to be summons, the mechanics involved and the fact that the spell class is listed as "TRAN" implies that it's actually transformation, not summoning. But I digress.)

That said, it still isn't great. I mentioned in my review of Abyss that it was based on the first two games Experience Inc. ever made and that it shows... well, Babel is based on the third game they ever made and that also shows. It isn't terrible and it did improve on Abyss but it's also still pretty short and the extended post-game is weak. It's essentially just a series of battles against the same seven bosses you've already fought, over and over, getting slightly harder each time. Forgive me as I give the biggest, longest yawn ever.

As for the story... it really pissed me off a lot more than I feel like it probably should have. It isn't bad, but I'll get to that in a bit. First, the reason why I hated it. It's quite simple, really - it's because I liked Operation Abyss. Yes, even though it wasn't the best story ever, I really liked it, so much so in fact that I immediately went out and spent money that I didn't have just so I could play this game and see how it ends. It didn't take long for me to regret that decision. Like I said, the story isn't bad but it has dick all to do with Operation Abyss.

First, all of the characters get changed out. This applies to your own characters - as I mentioned, this is the NEW Xth Squad - but also all of the supporting cast from the first game get shoved to the side for the sake of new characters. I mentioned in the 8 Rules for Character Customization that a good way to piss me off is to make me feel like my characters don't matter. Abyss never made me feel that way. Not only did Babel make me feel that way, it retroactively made me feel that way about the last game because no one even seems to remember my old team.

What's especially weird is that the original Code Realize allowed you to import your team from Code Breaker, who would become playable after you killed the final boss. This was removed from the PC port for reasons lost to the wit of man.

Second, it completely ignores the sequel hook from the end of Abyss with Mu'La becoming the "new King of Babyl," instead making Mu'La a lackey to the new villain, the Embryo.

That said, the story isn't terrible. It's all fairly competently written. It also explains the origin of Babyl, the Abyss, and the Xth Squad's powers, and that explanation actually ends up being pretty damn cool. The story pissed me off because I was a fan of Abyss but after I accepted it for what it was I found that I actually enjoyed it quite a bit.

Well, there is actually one weak link in the story: partway into the game you receive a mission to go back to the graveyard level from the previous game. This mission relies heavily on callbacks to Abyss in order to confuse you, and feels like it was written before the decision was made for this to be a new team. None of it makes any sense from the perspective of this being a NEW Xth Squad, especially not the end of it when you're saved by the ghost of a person who died in the last game who supposedly appears because of his "strong connection" to your characters... who he never met. Just, what?

Oh, and also there is no English voice acting. It's not a huge deal because the text is still in English, but it is disappointing and a little strange considering that Operation Abyss was fully voice acted in English.

At the end of the day... even with 107 hours of enjoyment from this game, I have to admit that it's just objectively not good. At the same time, it's also not as bad as the last game in the series either. Still, my ruling for the purposes of the Steam version of this review remains unchanged. This game is not recommended, and I suggest in its place trying out Stranger of Sword City, which is actually another game I need to review here at some point.

Until then...


MEDIOCRE

Television Review: Power Rangers Wild Force

Super Sentai Equivalent: Hyakujuu Sentai Gaoranger (Hundred Beasts Team Roaring Ranger, Gao is a Japanese onomatopeia for a beast's roar)


In a world where Power Rangers is no longer owned by Haim Saban, but instead by Disney, one question remains... which of this franchise's two owners is MORE greedy and evil?

Alternately, when the Earth finds itself under attack by the Orgs, living embodiments of pollution, Princess Shayla, the guardian of nature who lives on a floating turtle island in the sky, calls forth a team of five young heroes to form her Wild Force Power Rangers!

Wild Force was sort of a return to the series' roots, at least in terms of focus, with Wild Force placing much greater importance on the combat action as opposed to the plot and character interactions. (It wasn't as much of a return in terms of tone, though. Wild Force was overall much less cartoonish and idealistic than the original series.)

There is an overarching plot that does manage to get fairly decent into the latter half. Sadly, that's mostly just because it follows the story ofGaoranger to a tee. I know that's not exactly something new, but it's worse than ever here, with fans of both series even pointing out shot-for-shot remake moments.

The best part of the story was the friendship between Toxica and Jindrax, the villain's two lieutenants who had worked together for a thousand years awaiting their master's return and who had a lot of good chemistry together. Even that was just ripped off 100% from Gaoranger, though.

It's obvious that Disney's writers had no clue what to do here and all the stuff they made themselves was a flailing, confused mess that couldn't stop bashing you over the head with environmental messages.

Oh, also Ann Marie Crouch as Princess Shayla was a definite low point. Her line readings are stilted and wooden and never come across as sincere. She's not quite as bad as Vypra from Lightspeed Rescue, but... she's BAD.

KR Rating: [3] MEDIOCRE

PROS:	CONS:
+ Toxica and Jindrax are really fun to watch.	- Too scared to deviate from the source material.
+ Decent action with lots of zords meaning there's always a new power to see.	- Environmental messages as subtle as a bag of anvils.

BONUS!

Of course, any Power Rangers fan knows that a review of Wild Force would be incomplete without mention of the famous - or perhaps infamous - episode "Forever Red" which brought together every red ranger in the franchise (aside from Rocky DeSanto, the second Red Ranger of Mighty Morhpin') for a massive battle to stop the remains of the Machine Empire from re-activating Lord Zedd's lost zord, Serpentera.

"Forever Red" is... well, I'll just say it: it's awful. Actually, Serpentera is a perfect metaphor for this episode. Serpentera was constantly referenced throughout Mighty Morphin' as being this unstoppable menace that would conquer the Earth in a day if it was used, but whenever Zedd brought it out it always seemed to conveniently run out of fuel just before it could reach Earth or do anything of importance.

That's "Forever Red" in a nutshell. It has potential, but ultimately it was just too packed, too rushed, and way too full of plot holes. For example, Jason Lee Scott (the original Red Ranger) and T.J. Johnson (the Red Turbo Ranger) both LOST their Red Ranger powers in their respective series. Jason gave his up to Rocky DeSantos, and when Jason returned it was as Zeo Gold. T.J.'s powers were destroyed by Divatox, and he got his power back as Space Ranger Blue. So how are they both back to Red? No one knows, and the episode doesn't even attempt to explain it.

I know some people are going to say "oh, you can't complain, it's just fanservice!" I disagree with that, though. For one, yes, you can totally still complain about fanservice. Second, does this even count as fanservice when all it does is disrespect the material? Is it really serving me as a fan to pretend that I'm too stupid to remember the ending of Power Rangers Turbo?

Like I said, "Forever Red" had potential. The episode should have been made as a two-parter. The writers would have had more time then to flesh out their ideas, explain how Jason and T.J. got their powers back, and give us some more time with the characters we all loved... and also Aurico the Red Alien Ranger who just has to be there by default, I guess. Thanks for not spending ANY time on him or even showing his stupid face without his helmet though, Disney. I'm not even being sarcastic here. Screw Aurico.