You may remember a while back I reviewed the entire Bubsy franchise, or at least the older ones. I never looked at the newer stuff because I just couldn't be interested. Well, suffice to say I finally managed to work up enough interest to try this game: Bubsy: Paws on Fire... mostly because it was on sale, and I had enough points saved up on the Nintendo eShop to get it for almost-free.
So, did it redeem the franchise and make me think Bubsy is good again?
Ha ha ha ha ha! Ah...
Let's start with the story... the characters and characterizations are all from that god-awful cartoon pilot that no network was stupid enough to pick up, which means that everyone sucks and is obnoxious as Hell. Fortunately, there's a bare minimum of story here. Unfortunately, you still have to listen to Bubsy and his "friends" making crap puns on every stage.
Moving on before I need to kill someone...
Level design! It's boring and uninspired. The environments and obstacles are all very samey, and there's never anything new or interesting to see. Just play the first level. See those wood platforms and sawblades and TNT boxes and bugs? Okay, now eject the game and sell it back to GameStop because you've seen the entire thing.
To be fair, it's probably for the best that there's nothing interesting to see, because you won't have time to look at it anyway. Oh yeah, Bubsy is also a Running Game now, for some reason. It's almost as if the developers realized that literally everything this damn bobcat touches becomes an utter failure, and they just have no idea what the Hell they want the franchise to be anymore... but obviously that's nonsense.
So, yeah. It's not even really a Bubsy game anymore. It's just frustrating and tedious. The controls are weird. Jumps are awkward to time, and one hit from anything kills you instantly, just like in the old school Bubsy games. The difference is this game doesn't even have the humorous death animations that were literally the one saving grace of the old games. Also, Arnold the Armadillo's bonus levels suffer from a bizarre... I'm not even sure what to call it. Glitch? Oversight? Sadistic prank by Satan himself? Point is, you roll down a tunnel, and if you move too far toward the top, then the game reverses your controls for some ungodly reason. Who the Hell thought that was a good idea?
Okay, okay, I'll admit it. The game is at least competent. It's not a bug-riddled mess. It doesn't crash. They didn't forget to add in any of the levels or graphics... but it's just so BORING. Normally this might earn it a rating of 3 - Mediocre, but... this is Bubsy and Bubsy can go to Hell.
It does feel bizarre to say this, considering I'm one of the few people who actually used to defend Bubsy... but it is absolutely mind-boggling to me why people are so insistent on trying to keep this miserable trash pile of a franchise alive, while so many other much better franchises languish in obscurity, just waiting for someone to come along and revive them. Seriously, just let Bubsy die already.
SHOVEL
| PROS: | CONS: |
| - Story and characterization straight from the worst cartoon pilot to ever crashland in Crapville. | |
| - Level design is boring and uninspired. | |
| - Environments are boring too. | |
| - Gameplay is frustrating and tedious. | |
| - Literally causes cancer, leprosy, and gout. | |
| - Will kill your dog too. | |
| - And sleep with your wife. | |
| - Seriously, there is absolutely nothing good about this game. |
No comments:
Post a Comment