In a world where moview reviewers are forced to provide a synopsis for a story everyone already knows for the benefit of the one guy living under a rock somewhere...
Follow the adventures of Bella Swan, the pretty and likeable yet inexplicably unpopular new girl at school. She meets a handsome yet aloof young man named Edward Cullen... but is he really what he seems to be? The answer to that question, by the way, is yes, because he seems like a creepy psycho and he is one too. Also, vampire.
Yeah, everyone knows what Twilight is, and everyone also knows that it's the worst movie ever made, based on the worst book ever written. At least that's if the internet is anything to go by. Far be it for me to leave it at that. I had to watch the movie to judge for myself, because apparently being a free thinker means indulging in lousy stories written by sexually repressed housewives for emo teen girls.
Is the movie as bad as you've heard? No, of course it's not. That's not even a question. What we've all heard is that the day Twilight was released is the day the sun turned black, blood rained from the sky, and the laughter of The Evil One echoed through the darkness to herald the coming of The Worst Movie Ever Made. Twilight isn't the worst movie ever made. It's not even in the bottom 50.
That said, it's not great either.
What Twilight has is some good ideas. ...I mean, aside from the sparkly vampires. ...and the werewolf being in love with a fetus thing from the later movies. Okay, Twilight has some really stupid ideas, but there are some good ideas in there too. In particular, I actually found the Cullen family to be really cool, to the extent that I would much rather any of Edward's other family members have been the main characters instead. To be fair, I feel like this is an original sin of the genre itself - the side characters are so much more interesting, but we have to follow these blocks of wood because their cliche "boy meets girl" story is the one people expect.
Speaking of blocks of wood, yes, the acting is terrible. It is also absolutely on purpose, as both Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan) and Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen) are actually very talented actors who have turned in excellent performances in other works.
The movie also suffers from an excess of narration, and spends too much time telling instead of showing. This, I feel, is an original sin of the story itself. This is a hallmark of a novice writer... which is what the novelist Stephanie Meyer was, of course.
In all...
BAD
| PROS: | CONS: |
| + The Cullens are pretty interesting characters. Honestly, so is everyone else whose name isn't Bella or Edward. | - Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are made of wood, and therefore are witches. |
| - Does too much telling when it needs to do more showing. | |
| - This is the skin of a killer, Bella! |
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